home, home on the range...

i can't tell you how much i'm looking forward to going home(even if it's only for 3 days). i cherish every visit to arizona.
i get so excited as i drive through west gallup and i see the huge state flag sign. my heart beats really fast and i blast my music.
i've been making this trip now for 6 or so years.
some may ask why i moved if i love arizona so much, but really what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, or the absence makes the heart grow fonder(whichever).
i miss arizona more now than i did when i first left, but back then i was running from my problems(when in reality i was creating more problems for myself), but i have yet to move back, scared that i'll fall back into my old ways and feel the same way i did back then and i don't think i'm quite ready for that, besides, i want to return home with a bsn so i can have a career and not just some job.
so every year, i make the 900 mile trip 3-5 times to spend certain holidays and birthdays with those i love the most.
tomorrow d and i are going out to celebrate his 4th birthday with my side of the family. i think after spending his other three b-days with his dad's side of the family, it would only be fair to spend this birthday with my side.
i also really miss my grandma, my seth, my sister, my lily and my margot and my dad and mom. it's hard to let month after month pass and not get to see them and know that i chose this but it's for the best.
sure, one day in the next few years i'll choose to move home and i'll be happy to live in the sweltering heat, but for now these trips are worth the wear and tear on my car, the whole day behind a wheel... it means seeing the people i love and care about the most.