i'm writing this specific blog to seek advice from more experienced mothers than i...
lately, i've had issues with my 3 year old son and this past week has been extremely difficult.
over our christmas vacation we went to see d's dad and his father called me some not so pleasant names and did some not so nice things and since returning home, well, things have been trying.
my son has been punching me in my face, calling me names like, "bitch", "fat" and "piggy" and they really hurt my feelings, but more than that, i'm angry because my preschooler should not be saying anything like that nor hitting. well, if that wasn't enough, he's not listening to me and he's frequently, whiny and uncontrollable. i've tried spankings, time outs, taking things away and threatening and nothing, i mean, nothing is working... i know, the part i play and i take full responsility for not having my son in line but i don't know where to start. i don't know if it's an emotional battle or just his age or if he's having problems with his emotions( when my son was born he had a seizure and almost died at 2 weeks old, after many tests including ct scan and an mri we discovered that he had multiple cysts in his frontal lobe but we were told not to worry about them unless he started to have behavioral problems and headaches). well, for the past couple of days, he's been complaining that his head hurts...
i plan on setting up an appointment with his specialist as soon as possible, but i don't know what to do to get his temper under control and not go insane myself.
any help you mothers can give me would be greatly appreciated... prayers are also asked during this time. thank you.
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ReplyDeleteLily went through something similar when she was around the same age, maybe a little younger. She would throw the worst tantrums and I never knew what to do, and nothing I tried seemed to work.
ReplyDeleteLaura encouraged me to be really consistent with her with my discipline. If I spanked for one thing, I wasn't later supposed to give a time out for it. Keeping constant with Lily really helped her understand what I expected from her and what the consequences would be if she did not obey.
As far as Daylee's epilepsy, I think you're doing the best you can with keeping up with his appointments... Perhaps he will need a stabilizing medication? I don't know, but we will be praying for you and him.
I'd also encourage you to keep your patience however you can... it's hard, but it will help in the moment when she is acting out to have the upper hand by not meeting him at his emotional level.
I love you! Please let me know if there is something I can do for you.
I just wrote out this whole big thing and now it's gone....
ReplyDeleteAnyway, here's the less novel-ish version. :)
1) Remember you're the best parent for Daylee. God choose you before time to be his mom and He is uses everything (even difficult kids) to sanctify his children. (Romans 8:28, Philippians 1:6)
2) You are wise to rule out medical issues.
3) Sit down with Daylee at dinner (not during a behavior issue) and ask him to tell you what your expectations are. Make sure he is clear on what you are looking for and then explain that because you love him you are going to discipline him if he chooses to disobey. Tell him what will happen and have him repeat it back to make sure he understands. Explain that God has called you to train him and tell him that you want to see him grow to be an honorable man so you are going to do everything possible to help him with that. (Make sure he understands that you discipline because you love him not because you're mad at him.)
4)"Catch" him obeying. Even if it's a really small thing (putting a toy away, saying 'thank you') and make a big deal about it. Tell him how proud you are and point out the rules that he obeyed with his behavior (being respectful, considering others. using manors). You can even put a piece of paper on the fridge and give him a sticker to add to the paper when he does something well. Let him overhear you "bragging" about him on the phone. If you do a chart (or any tangible reward program) show the next person that comes over what an amazing job he's doing. Just remember that kids are no different than adults. If we feel like all we ever hear are the negatives then we feel defeated before we even try.
I know how overwhelming it can be, but just take it one step at a time and be honest with yourself and with him. When you fail to do your job as a parent well, ask him for forgiveness and forgive yourself and then start again.
Can you believe this was the non-novelish version? :)
thank you for all the advice. i really like the sticker idea. he loves to hear that he's doing a good job. he frequently asks me if he's making me a "happy" mommy or a "sad" mommy. so, i'll be careful to praise him when he's deserving of it.
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